Although I am still sitting on the same chair, typing this post using the same desktop in the same room, but the feeling is totally different. In the past, I felt that.. well.. at least I am at home doing all these thing. But no more the same thing now. I feel like I am staying under someone else's flat.



Ever since he driven my ah ma out, things are never the same. My mum actually left wif my ah ma that night, but she came back after that. We are planning to move out, once we moved out, my ah ma will come back and stay with us, and I think I will get the previous comfortable feeling back.



Looking around the room, the bathroom, the kitchen, I thought I still see my ah ma's presence. Though I always very rude to her and didnt talk to her, but.. I just cant stop myself feeling sad. To tell the truth, I really miss her very much.. very very. Ever since that night, my mum sleep in my room. Really feel very awkward.



I felt so suffocated at home, ya.. till the state that I thought I am going to die (no kid). I cant wait to get out of the house and never come back. BUt the moment I stepped out of the house, I cant stop worrying what might happen at home when I wasnt around. Maybe I will see my mum lying dead on the floor? This is highly possible for my case and I seriously have no mood to joke about such thing. Just like yesterday. I left school first just because I really worried. I brisk walked home and was patting away when I reached. ARGh.



I never knew I could feel this kind of fear ever in my life. Staying at home, yet fearing the people around me. Fearing they might start another fight in the next min. Right now, I really wish there is someone else staying here, outsider will do. At least I will feel more at ease. He cooked two meals today, and deliberately left some for us. But we didnt take any bite. In fact I have no appetite. I only ate one bowl of instant noodle today. I missed my ah ma's cooking (though is quite awful). I hate him using those ingredients that my ah ma bought. I really hate it. I really want to bring the fridge into my room! I want to finish the milk she bought for me... and those can drinks... and more and more.. I dont want him to even touch them.



Oh.. I skipped Fyp meeting today. Initially because I was coughing like hell yesterday, but well.. is more of because of what had happened lately. Weifen, if you see this part.. that's what I wanna explain to you. So now.. you know the reason le. Sorry for asking you to lie to Dr kam for my sake. Actually I dont feel like going tml and dont wish to do any report (which mean I will only hand up after friday) either. But ... have to set priority. I try my best ba.

Mentioned about looking for new flat, I think we are gonna move far far away from tampines. And that means that I will be far far away from my friends. So no more hanging out late with them. I really bu she de. But thinking that I can get away from him.... I just cant wait for the day to finally come. At least I no need to worry about the next moment, no need to worry about who will get killed.

Haiz.. actually there is really a lot more to say.. but I really dont know to say. And one thing.. I didnt know that typing this post can really be so hard... and.. tiring.

And this is a post that I will never want to re-read it once... So pardon me for any english mistakes.