Phantasy World

firstly i wanna say thanx to the following ppl : lup peng, Geraldine , ihsan, atikah, benji, weifen, michelle (w3), jimmy, melisa, liwee, Kenny, serene, huangyun, mich(PL), sheerui, hweeming, azhar, fungwee, zhanyuan, shihui, Doreen, (fren's fren) Sharon, yihua, clara, kaihoow, ethan, shijuan, huiyun, e grp of ppl whom i dunno anyone of them =X... (not in any order... n sry if i miss anyone out =X) haha... these r the ppl whom rmb my bday. wahaha!~!~!~ so touched! but sadly, two of my bestest childhood frens actually forgt... haiz... T_T. but nvm... i realli enjoy my day!!! let me start wif it. initially we planned to go look for jim one... so yup. i was supposed to meet mich n ethan first at raffles place mrt station, but when i was out of my hse, mich told me she juz woke up =.=" so onli left me n ethan nia. den on e way, i kept persuading zy n wanzhen to go sia. haha!~!~!~ so yup... when at e 700+ bus stop, i realli tio shocked sia!!!!!!! becoz i SWEARED i saw sumone whom l...

ytd (28/4) was chester bday... today (29/4) is melisa's.... n tml (30/4) will gonna b mine. haha.. i was reading bout my post on my bday for e past two yrs. i realised that, actually everytime when the date is coming near, i do not feel anything tt much, except for lonliness. not becoz of no frens ard me... but juz tt lonliness which i dun understand myself. sumhow, is also not becoz of e lonliness that affect me tt much, but it juz seems to b a 'practice' tt everytime before my bday, there will always b sth tt brooding me for quite sometime. i am always carrying that emotion of sorrow, complicated feeling when i am 'celebrating' my bday. there's no exception for tis yr.. haiz... i dun wan to bring tt kinda of emotion along wif me on tis day. but... wad can i do?... haiz...

hmm! haha!! ok... today.. normal la... but today same klass wif weifen they all. haha! n i believe it will gonna b fun la. haha!! so went to klass...told weifen tt i finish e research of e surface tension.. den she nv failed to bully me la. =.=" anyway... during e 1st break, i went to look for sia wif yanfen's harddrive to go n tk show lor. haha!! den i was shocked to see weiwen in sia's klass summore same team as her. wahaha! so after tt, i transfered to my comp le.. i returned to yanfen le. den gt liwee to come over as i wan to get frm her e missing episodes. haha!~ n i actually forgt to tell her wad klass i was in today lor!!!!!!!!!!!!! weifen told me to call her.. but my hp credit low.. so i sms her =.=" as expected! she dunno wad klass i was in, n she went to get clara. wahaha! damn funny la!!!!!!!!! wee actually told me to stay in klass during 2nd breakout one... but i told her i wan go get coat. lik wad i am tinkin la.. it will b awhile onli... so... yup. i ju...

i also dunno wad to type. simply becoz.. i am beri luan now. i am having mixture of strong feelings. i realli wonder how long can i bear wif it. it juz seems lik i need to let it out asap le...i dunno y... i realli feel lik.. i cant stand it any much longer le. i aint that strong afterall. i feel as if my mind isnt mine anymore.............. awhile ago, i tink back of e past... awhile later i tink bout ... haiz..... u noe wad? i realli wan to get drunk although i noe e feeling realli sux. but... haiz... i dun wanna go skool anymore! i dun wanna see him anymore, including any mention of him. *cold laugh* seems lik i am contradicting myself. one side i am telling e others not to avoid or take their time slowly... but i am now trying to avoid. haha... haha... haha... haha... haha... now no matter how happy those songs r... couldnt ease my sorrow anymore. nth! Nothing! sumtime i realli wonder if i am not obvious or am i juz too obvious to the extent that he knew or suspect but pretend nt...

i guess i am used to waking up early le... haha... i automatic woke up at 8+ actually.. but i force myself to slp back awhile.. but i woke up at again... becoz TOO NOISY!! den i decided to climb out of my bed liao at 11+am =.=" eh... it consider early to me liao k! hahah... anyway.. i am missing PL0204 now. haha~~ i mean, i miss those familiar faces in tt big big classroom... haiz... is at least 1 1/4 or 1 1/2 of e klassroom i had now lor.. haiz~~ i realli miss those days in tt klassroom.. juz lik how much i miss ps0102 when i was in pl0204. haha~ (to ps0102, i din forgt u guys ah.. haha). haiz... now i gt 4klasses... there's no where for me to call 'my own'... haiz... when in e past i could say tt PS0102 n PL0204 is MINE. haiz~~ get it? i realli envy liwee, jim they all lor.. they gt one fixed klass n they r so close now.. well.. at least for liwee. n tt realli made me rmb ps0102 more. haiz... so sad... i dun lik SAS arrangement of klasses la! they bias toward biotec...

hoho... atikah of ps0102 is e first one to wish me happy bday. haha!!! thanx alot!! haha!~!~!~!~ n she told me tt dean came late ma.. so i purposely asked her to help me say 'morning foo seng'. muahaha!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~ n he asked me go n die. so sad. tt char upon seeing my personal msg also join in asking me go n die =.=" so bad n so sad!! haiz~~~ actually today prob kinda easy lehh... but i realli enjoy klass today... erm.. at least e prob. rmb last time i hate physic to e core.. but now, i realise tt actually physics can b tt fun. heee~~ i am liking physics gradually~ anyway, after skool today, when i was bout to go look for jim at his blk, tt fellow actually went offline =.=" so in e end, i din go for e meeting for nth =.=" on e way back, at woodland mrt station, i met sumone whom looked lik haru!! becoz tt guy had short hair. den is lik.. i keep staring.. den finally realised is him, den i called him. wahaha!~~ omg.. i couldnt recognise him. den he d...

hee... today ah... hmm.. anatomy is realli driving me crazy. i stress to e extent i nearly cant stand it n wanna scold vulgarity n storm out of e room. i even gt e idea tt i wanna go back le.. i dun wan to stay in klass le! haiz!~!~!~ anyway... for last wk, is actually consider quite a gd start for me le... for all my modules i gt B... haha.. but i darent say for tis wk =.=" i borrowing lab coat frm lyn le.. muahaha!!! she say hers beri long sia.... n tt remind me of wad wk said =.=" wk tt time was telling me tt syam I n him were looking for e in-trend of e lab coat, as in long or short one.. den..... me : long one best.... wk : help mop e lab room floor ah? =.="""""""" haha.. miss his crap la. haha!!! actually today i went to look for clara.. den i met charles. haha!!! he asked wad klass am i in... n yea.. as u noe, i gt 4 klasses, how would i noe i shld say wad klass?!?!?!? =.=" so i paused awhile n say 'er... i today at 5K.....

perhaps i juz need abit more courage to make tis happen! anyway... i am so happy! not becoz my bday is coming.. but becoz.. wahaha~~~~ i gonna haf 3days break leh!!! e monday (labour day) seems to b a 'holiday gift' to me as for my bday present. wahaha! no skool leh.. YEA! tis time round, i wonder how many ppl rmb... haha~~~~ hopefully it wont b a disappointed bday yr for me ba.

haha.. i haf been staring at tis window for very long, having no idea how to start. and yea, i am juz started typing out now... frm juz now until now, as u all shld noe, i am always listening to music. den, juz lik... everything tt probe me recently appeared in my mind...arouse alot of mixture of emotions in me. i wanna type everything out... but.. i juz had no idea how to start. liwee, i saw ur blog also... if i am not wrong, i noe hu is e changed person u referring to. yup... we are referring to e same person. how i wish tt i din ask him tt qns tt nite. ignorance is bliss ah? haha... well, i juz haf myself to blame wif. haha~~~ haha.. haiz. i tot i could juz get tt out of myself easily one... but i juz dunno y, i juz couldnt. at least i let it go when i was in klass ba. but when ytd when i met clara n ethan for lunch outside ethan's klass, sumhow or rather, tt quiet ambience... i juz couldnt get used to it. i mention bout it. n i tink sumone noe wad's goin on. or mayb e pe...

BIG SRY TO PS0102 peeps la!~ haiz.... i doubt rach or hueva will see tis but den.. i realli wanna say tt to them. realli... sincerely!~ i finally understand how they feel bout me suddenly MIA le. perhaps to them, i changed too fast.. but i still do hang out wif them for quite sometime before i MIA. now i realli wonder, whether friendship realli can say change jiu change de ma??? although i wasnt by e side of ps peeps, but still, i still acknowledge their existence.. i din forgt them leh.... but i wonder... whether some ppl actually forgt bout them or wad. i nv tink tt we actually went separate ways le.. i mean for e ps peeps although we din hang out or wad. is not saying tt i live on w/o them or wad.. u c? but now i realli beri bu gan yuan.. lik... bu fu qi, u said tt 'u live on w/o us...' , i wont stop it... becoz we couldnt b by ur side forever or wad ... n is not saying tt u haf to b wif us or wad.. but ... i realli start to wonder tt , do u even rmb tt we're still ard? ...

skool's goin to start in juz 3days' time. everything's gonna b a new start frm then on. looking back, my yr1 days had been so colourful, painted wif many many different kind of emotions, feelings. PS0102, PL0204 forever in my memories. the moment in PL0204 perhaps is a fruitful time for me ba. Ps0102 shows me wad's friendship... PL0204 shows me tt too.. but i still learn sth new. frm there, i gt e most mixture of feelings... helpless. i lied to myself many times and hide my feeling even until now. tt's when, when i finally found e feeling tt i once felt yr ago. avoidance, accepting, blessing, giving up..n all e things i had done. i realised, i made myself wounded everywhere once again. well.. everything gonna start new again... n i noe, to start anew, one haf to let go of his/her past. i am trying... reali.. trying real hard.. but.. i dun seems to make it ah. i had been listening to FFX2 songs since last nite... perhaps is a long time before i listen to it ba. kind...

AHHH!! i am tired =.=" firstly, becoz i onli slp bout 4hrs.. woke up at 9am.. getting ready to meet sj at 930am, but we turned out to meet at 10. haha.. last nite.. in msn, char was asking me wad bag is better, wad shirt to wear all tis.. is all becoz of SKOOL! yes... goin to RP. meanwhile, on e phone, sj was asking me bout fees n stuffs.. n yes.. RP again! =.=" i worked for RP for free for one nite!.. hmm.. sort of =.=" so... on e way there.. i kinda of explain RP stuffs to her, since she wont b attending any successful computing or orientation. so i try to let her get abit of e concept on how rp works. went there le... we went ard lookin for one stop centre...in e meantime, i saw atikah also... haha.. den found le.. she filled e forms le... n yes. she made her payment. den i also saw zhanyuan n his fren. haha.. he also asked me e same qns of when we will noe our klass sia.. I AM DYING TO NOE SIA!!! after tt we went ard looking for e laptop poster... den finally found ...