Phantasy World

今天听着这首歌，突然觉得不太开心。这几个星期都是吧！我知道我为什么不开心，可是我不明白为什么。 当我站在巴士里，听着这首歌，我突然对自己说：‘今晚到公园走走吧。。（可是我知道我很懒惰）。。你真的需要透透气，或发发情绪。’ ‘不然找朋友出来吧。’ 可又担心出来后，大家都说些不太开心的话题。 还是算了吧。 然后想到：‘不如一个人到公园吧！还是一个人在房里，关着灯，听着音乐，看着外面的天空。就静静的一个人吧。。’ 想着想着，突然这一幕好像出现在眼前。不夸张，不骗你。这就真的就是 ‘想得入神’。 ‘啊~可是今天老妈早回家，这计划还是泡汤了。’ 。。。结果，我更难过了。 天大地大，为什么就没有一个地方是真正的属于我一个人的？一个永远都不会有人来打扰我的？ 突然觉得离他们好远。。好远。。。既熟悉又陌生。为什么就这么突然？ 两个不同世界的人就像是两条平行线，永远都不会有交叉点。当你站在两条平行线的中间遥望着另一端，它们看似总有交叉点，但也只是错觉而已。 认清自己的世界吧~ 今天我到了Bedok Reservoir，其实是有想过在那里待一下子。也想过，不如就从那里走路回家吧。可是，我还是算了。这样做的话，我想心情应该会更糟。 突然好怀念以前的生活。 真的。。。好怀念。

Pray - Justin Bieber (Girl Version) I am tired and seriously, I really 痛恨这世界的虚伪！Why?! I can never hide my emotions, neither can I be friendly to someone who I really detest. They can speak bad about someone behind their back and smile at him/her the next moment. What's wrong with this world?! It is tiring to look for people you can trust in this world. One of my colleagues commented to me once, "I dont know who I can trust." Indeed. It was so much easier to trust people around us when we were much younger. Because everyone wasnt 'contaminated' by this reality world made filthy by fakers. When I was a kid, I cant wait to become an adult. Because I can finally get away from school, the endless homework, get to watch tv till late night without nagging from my mum. Now that I have grown up, I wish that I could turn back the time to seek for the simplicity in people. I know I cant. I know that I am already 'contaminated'. I can have a thousand reasons...

鄭融 - 成就感 大家都说：“要人对你好，你就要先付出。”， No one is obliged to be good to you , taking people for granted . 不要老是要求人，其他人没有必要满足你。 话说得没有错。 说真的，我觉得大家都在迁就我。我是知道的，是高兴的，是感动的。我总是得到我要的，可是永远都不是我就想要的。 你说我自私，说我不讲理，但绝不能说我从不迁就。 我 最想要去的地方， 最想做的事， 最想吃的东西， 最想玩的东西， 因为你们的反对， 因为我知道你们老是迁就我， 所以为了让你们开心 所以我让步了。 我不去我最想去的地方， 我不去做我的最想做的东西， 我不去吃我最想吃的东西， 我不去玩我最想玩的东西。 有时候，我得不到我要的，是因为大家对价钱的问题。 所以我为了得到我最想要的，我愿意付的比大家多， 甚至愿意把一切都付了， 可是 为什么 为什么你们还是不愿意 为什么 就是不能让我这一次 让了我这么多次 可是我得到的， 却永远，永远不是我最想要的。 难道 我就没让过吗？ 难道 你们都不知道吗？ 有一些事，一些地方， 我想要做，想要去 已经好几年 不是一年，不是两年，而是至少四年 每一次都被拒绝 我忍 我让 就这样过了这么多年 当我真的不能再忍时 我发难 我就在你们眼里变得无理取闹 。 。 。 。 。 我 还有什么话好说 不想说了 更不想解释 因为解释 没人能理解 大家只会想，不能 ‘这样’，就 ‘那样’ 吧。为什么要这么执着？ 对呀，我就 ‘那样’ 了这么多年。 就这样继续下去吧 到死的那一天，我都没办法 ‘这样’。 如果可以 我愿意失去所有我得到的 ‘想要的’ 一切 来换取我 ‘最想要的’ 一切。 你知道 ‘最想要’ 和 ‘想要’ 的分别吗？

木結他獨奏 張智霖 究竟海有幾深 (魚躍在花見 主題曲) I am back, for a short while. Sigh. From 14 July till now, it has been about 9 months. 9 colleagues left, and Friday marked the 10th. Many changes took place at work and it was just too drastic for anyone to absorb at once. Within my group, which has been labelled 'harmonious' since the first day I joined, is no longer in that way. Wks ago, two of them had argument and it ended up in facebook. It became open to all and both were in cold war in office with another of my innocent colleague having to be their messenger. =( This week was another two colleagues' turn. SIGH!!! Some of them commented that our group had changed. In the past, there is little or no argument among the group. But every now and then, everyone could see and hear those arguments among us going around in office and even in facebook. Sigh. Another 2 colleagues had tendered and their last day is in April. Another one has got her letter ready. The rest are all looking for new jobs...

Ryan Farish - Time Between Us Alright. I am back. We had our company dinner (or rather, Admin & AA dept's) at Fairmont Hotel on 12 Nov, which was also Choi Wan's last day. It was fun and the food was good. After the dinner, some of us went for the second part of the night - Ksinging at Somerset! I didnt stay for the full session though. I left slightly after 12 am while the rest continued till 1 am plus. Then, 18 Nov was Chern Chong's last day. Hmm... Before I went off that day, he just had to say goodbye to me, with the label 'EX-COLLEAGUE' at the back. =.=""" Well, we have been meeting up for lunch quite frequently after he started working at his new location, which is somewhere near by. Yesterday was the official last day for Mike. However it was more reasonable to take his last day as of 26 Nov. lol.... I've forgotten that it was his last day on that day. Next, it will be Gwen and my manager...... =( And I happen to know that there are ano...

衛蘭Janice - Never Know (Duet with 李治廷Aarif) Some thoughts... For whatever reason it is, I have no idea why that I have that fear on Friday. It just suddenly appeared. I dont wish to be near that person or talk to that person out of a sudden. But then, I still did. Mixture of unexplainable feeling. Sometime I dont know what is going on. There is no one to talk to. Everyone is busy telling me all bout themselves. .... I just want to get all these clear...... Sometime, it is not easy to break it out. I have no idea why too. When I think I can/want to share this with a particular person, he/she is sharing things all bout themselves that I decided to swallow my questions down my throat. 很乱。搞不懂！真搞不懂！怎么办？怎么办？ Lastly, I dont want Nov to be here, because I dont want them to leave. T_T ----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Another week has passed. Joined dinner with Amelie, Celine, Roy, Marcel and Deniss after work at boat quay on Tuesday. Anoth...

我记得我爱过（钢琴版） When your buddy appeared ok, but you know she is not, and that she is just trying her very best to endure everything.... yet you couldnt do anything... it is really........ I was surfing FB in the office on Tue and a bad news appeared right in front of my eyes. I went into total shocking state and kept reading Yan Ching's shout out again and again! I went down to her mum's funeral straight after work last night. When I reached, it was actually the chanting session. I saw her and her sis (and a few people more) were chanting along with the monks, doing all the kneeling and praying. Then, I saw her mum's photo and I thought to myself, I finally rmb how she looked after all these yrs. The images of her coming to fetch/bringing Yan Ching & Yan Min to school came back fresh in my mind. I remembered that I always called her 'Auntie' and she would return me with her smile. Sometimes, my mum would have those short chit-chat session with her. Typical things t...

MYMP - SAY YOU LOVE ME Listening to Mariah Carey - Through the rain. (scroll down for the video) 2:05 - Look outside my room window. Look at the picture above. The HDB flat opp mine was being painted golden yellow. And the sky is red-ish blue with orange-ish red at the west where the sun is setting. Next.. 3:07, Look outside again. This time round I went to the window and the colour got deeper. Super beautiful! 3:28, Saw someone from the opposite flat taking pic in one direction. 3:33, Followed that direction and I SAW THE BIG RAINBOW, with the red-ish blue sky background. Look at picture below. Nice right!!!! Gosh... I sms-ed Huiyun bout it and received Wei2's sms at the same time, telling me bout the rainbow. He mentioned it was big and dual, but I only saw one. =( So envious of him. Maybe he got better sight of it since he's at Tekong. =( ANYWAY! I went to replace my SIM card on Monday. Met Jingfeng in the queue, then met Wendy at the Popular. When I was queuing for 291, I s...

側田 - 原來你什麼都想要 No picture No picture... No picture! Pek Chek! The 2nd fortune teller I went to was so accurate! She told me that something that I like will be missing after 30 June, and indeed it happened! I was pickpocketed on the train and when I alighted the train, my handphone was gone. It was only 6mths old. Damn it! I was shocked over the whole incident, but more because of the words by the fortune teller. Rui helped me to search for the mobile shops in ION and I told her to search for Singtel. We queued and waited but it turned out that the mobile suspended service is not available there. We strolled around (with the inital thought of goin to taka for another singtel shop) and we came upon some roadshow by Starhub and met Huihui there. Then............... oh... I nearly burst out laughing. Or mayb, I did. XD My internet plan is SingNet, but my mobile plan is Starhub! LOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! We wasted nt at the singtel shop. LOL! Like what Rui've said, it was a go...

David Lanz - Lost in Paradise The last ice-cream chocolate that I got from Taiwan. =( The star candy from Taiwan too... Been having weird dreams lately. Previously I dreamt that I was back to JYSB as alumni. However, I couldnt find my own trombone. Everyone helped me to look for it, but slowly everyone gave up, except for me. Then I dreamt of those old classmates of mine last night. It was as if I was back to my primary school days when my ah ma still pick me up from school, though I know for sure I'm still full-time student as an adult. And a guy came to join us at the interchange. Then we were queuing for the bus 291 which had a super duper long queue, which also have my old classmates in there. While queuing, I thought of getting lunch back, so I 'ordered' the guy to get it for us. LOL!!!!!!!! After receiving the order, he started to mess with my hair and I kicked him, 'scolding' him, 'stupid korkor..' And I woke up. Sigh.... Been re-watching those HK d...

蔡旻佑 - 小乖乖 Tsk. One word, 烦!!!! Well, nonetheless, I must thank char for her great advice. TV spoiling and desktop LCD monitor had officially 'Certified Dead'. I had decided to take her advice of choosing a desktop that is able to watch TV, so as to cut my expense. Even so... I still have to spend around $2k. =( That's why I said, I feel like I am being cursed. EVERYTIME I work, my pay sure go out in BIG SUM at ONCE. It's as if I can never fill up my bank acct till my desired amt. Or at least, let me keep at least 3/4 of my earnings during the project. =( If you are planning to make a joke out of it, please.... FUCK OFF. I've been trying to convince myself into spending that sum to get a new desktop since last friday. But.. but.... I am unwilling to do so. =( Trip + Desktop = More than half of my earnings during this project will be gone. (P.S. The amt for trip was already set aside. Therefore the amt needed for desktop is deemed as EXTRA fee that I have to fork out....

林峰 - 愛在記憶中找你 His singing vocal always give me the electrify sensation. Looked up for his LIVE version (recorded by audiences) if you don’t believe he sings LIVE. He must have done billions of good deeds in his past lives to have such good life now, bless with wealth, looks and talents. Haha. Next, allow me to 埋怨 awhile. WHY WHY WHY!!!!!!!!!!!! I don’t understand why Heaven love to play prank with me so much! I went to an interview for a job which I was interested in during last two wks and I was told that I would receive call on last mon if I'm selected. In fact, after the interview, I knew the success rate was 0%. Indeed, I didn’t receive any call on mon and I thought of looking for Char to get the tuition agency no. on tuesday. Who knows, another call from the same company came on tue, asking me to go down for interview for another position which was quite interesting and beneficial to me too. I went for it the nxt day, and was told that they will contact me ASAP and hope t...

手掌印 TVB《學警狙擊》片尾曲 - 江若琳 ............. Was watching Hayate No Gotoku just now and I find myself relating to the scenarios in the two episodes ( Ep 13 & Ep 14 [all the way before 20:30]). I had the same feelings as Hayate in the anime. Including facing obstacles before knowing the outcome. And also, pinning too much hopes on the bright side, to the extent of having celebration party, assuming that it is definitely a good news. In the end, the piece of news came to be "You are out!". It's as if that all the obstacles faced earlier on is foretelling the bad ending. I totally could understand his feelings when he got to know the bad news. My heart sank along with him at that moment. This is the very first time that I find myself got so emotionally attached to these episodes of the anime after all these years. As if it was narrated my current situation. =( The good thing is, he still got accepted in at the VERY end through recommendation letter. Well, anything can happen i...

Introspect - Joe Bongiorno ............... I'm currently not feeling so good. 挫败感。。。阻力。。。 I just can't seem to be able to reorganise my thoughts in a more systemic way. =( Everything seemed so wrong. 眼前的路看起来没什么阻挠，可是当我踏出第一步后，眼前就出现了很多石头。 打从第一天开始，问题就不断地出现。Some people who know about this, will know how relunctant I was to spend THAT sum of money on something which WILL NOT guarantee any return by the end of the day; Especially during this period when I am trying to save as much money as I could. Things werent like what people told me. =((( And I just made a stupid mistake just now which brought in MORE problems for myself to vex over it. =((( With all these 'accidents' surfacing, it made me think that, maybe I had made the wrong choice from the very start. All these could be giving me a warning that, I WON'T get what I want, why don't I give up before I get deeply hurt and disappointed. Even so, I told myself to stay optimistic. I should think that all these problem...

Careless Whisper - Kenny G Does it means by having friends beside you then that’s friendship? Then what do you call those friendship whereby two friends don’t understand each other? It’s tiring for me lately. I used to take those criticism remarks from them as a joke because I know most of the time that was meant to be. Though the words are hurting, but I take it as something that symbolize how close we are to each other. At least you wont criticize or make fun of those just-got-to-know people’s dream. Right? Maybe I’ve changed. I no longer can take those criticisms from them. Just like when I told them that I wanted to open a pub in the future. That’s MY dream, not theirs. But in the end, I play the role of cleaner in MY dream. I know they don’t mean it that way. I know that they think that I am someone who can joke with. But… there’s limit to everything. Not really implying to all. But just one. I think they know whom I am referring to. It’s either that he gotte...

Horizon - Eri Sugai (合)我相信 (女)把你的名字 (女))念上一千遍 就會念成 (男)輪迴一千年的諾言 (合)渡過雨打風吹的考驗 (合)我相信 把你的容顏 (合)看上一千遍 就會看成 (合)最永恒的預言 (合)有一天 我們終將改變 (合)變成了(合)唯一的傳說 爱你忘了苏醒 我情愿闭上眼睛 任凭此生此世长睡不醒 你就是我的来生 . . . 看着你的眼睛 有太多太多泪不停 心疼你每一步爱的艰辛 苦难的梦特别真心 刚刚梦里还有他 多么幸福和感伤 梦里外的我们真的爱过吗 没有呼吸的天空 告别蒙了一层沙 忘了我是谁 困在那一段时差 一段路分两头,爱了却要放手 无事东风走过,扬起回忆如昨 . . . 梦在前世发觉,我在梦里搁浅 月光浸湿从前,掺拌了的想念 你眺望着天边,我眺望你的脸 谨记你的容颜,来世把你寻找 摇摇欲坠,不只你的泪,还有仅剩的世界 嘲笑的风,高唱着离别,我却听不见 穿越千年的眼泪,只有梦里看得见 我多想再见你,哪怕一面 前世末了的眷恋,在我血液里分裂 沉睡中缠绵,清醒又幻灭 哭过才明白 笑有多么痛 命运躲不过作弄 这份爱走到了尽头 oh 血... 渐渐红了衣袖 我的泪... 不停的在流 是荆棘编成的网 划破对你的依赖我依然守着不想放 这该死的爱 Different colours represent lyrics from different songs. Each word and line from the last lyrics up there, pierced my heart. That's the overwhelming and strong feelings that I cannot forget till this day. The image.....the scenario... so real that you cant differentiate which is reality and dream. You would thought that you are still dreamin...

Went out the whole day with the usual gang (except huiyun) today. Had our meal at Yuki Yaki from 1pm all the way to 5pm. I was the first to KO since I am so not a buffet person. =.=" Had ice-cream after that. Not really a good experience because we mixed all the flavours together. It tasted not bad to them but it definitely tasted total sucky for me. The strong taste of passionfruit stayed in my mouth for quite long and that totally ruined my taste bud and my appetite for ice-cream. So... I didnt eat any ice-cream. After we left, we proceeded to find the best location to catch the firework. It was so crowded out there that it has been long since I last felt like sardine packed in a can. Best thing of all was when it started showering. This dampened their moods, but not mine. xD I enjoyed it! As it got heavier, everyone began taking out their umbrellas. 4 of us shared two umbrellas. We stood behind a malay family and dont-know-whose-idea-it-was that we tried to 'join' our u...

Had 2 bad dreams. 1st with someone. 2nd with family. Both made me cried the moment I opened my eyes. I shant post the 1st dream here, so here's the 2nd dream. Just now I dreamt of my old flat again. Ever since I've moved, my dreams most of the time will take place in there. Hmm, I was with a group of friends, and my parents were outside the flat. I opened the main door, wanting to get out, and finally seeing the both of them, I remained in the flat. They seemed to be discussing something, and I saw my mum weeping. I knew my mum wanted a divorce, and that bastard is trying to stop her. It took them long enough before they came back. And the first thing they told me was, they've moved to another flat, and brought some of my stuffs there. In my dream, I felt like a little kid back then, follows wherever the parents go. However, I was so relunctant. I asked my mum why she didnt want to bring me away and leave him forever? The more I asked, the more she weeped. Feeling so fr...

Blogger is finally back~ lolx. Btw, I've just got back from the "date" with rui. *shy*. LOL~~~ Paiseh ah, I think really talk a lot just now. =X Anyway, I was surfing around blog just now, and I came across to Yan ya lun's blog. Yaya, the one from fahrenheit. Then the latest post was rather saddening. Click -> 生命太脆弱 奇蹟太渺茫 這篇是給你的 我的好朋友 The whole post is in Chinese, er.. Traditional Chinese characters. Shant force you guys to read, however... haiz, is really.. haiz... He managed to express the kind of feelings using words. 如果这样的事发生在我身上，我。。。。。。。。。。。也许真的没办法像他如此冷静。。。。。。。。。。。。。 也许连时间也不能让这伤口愈合吧！ Updates with pics. The time when they were making my birthday card... How could I not be touched by their sincerity?