4/6 Pray - Justin Bieber (Girl Version)

Pray - Justin Bieber (Girl Version)

I am tired and seriously, I really 痛恨这世界的虚伪！Why?! I can never hide my emotions, neither can I be friendly to someone who I really detest. They can speak bad about someone behind their back and smile at him/her the next moment. What's wrong with this world?!

It is tiring to look for people you can trust in this world.

One of my colleagues commented to me once, "I dont know who I can trust."

Indeed.

It was so much easier to trust people around us when we were much younger. Because everyone wasnt 'contaminated' by this reality world made filthy by fakers.

When I was a kid, I cant wait to become an adult. Because I can finally get away from school, the endless homework, get to watch tv till late night without nagging from my mum.

Now that I have grown up, I wish that I could turn back the time to seek for the simplicity in people.

I know I cant.

I know that I am already 'contaminated'.

I can have a thousand reasons to wish that I am a grown-up. But I just need one reason to bear the dream of going back to the past to relive as a kid.

My FYP faci once said to me before that my thinkings are easily affected by people around me. Simple explanation, I am 'moulded' by people easily. And I think I was, and I AM.

This make it harder to know 'friends' from this social circle and it makes friends from the past more valuable.

But in a way, I can hurt them much easier as like they can do it the same to me.

When you realise that both of you cant reach the same agreement (of coz, as this is two individuals) and yet the other party can think that it is your fault, or, when the history repeated itself, wont it hurts?

It does. Much painful than anyone can bring it upon you.

At that moment, I vented because I can never keep it in myself especially after all the enduring on and off. It just came too fast. I was hurted and the next split second, they are hurted. Though I know that I will definitely feel apologetic and regretful for that, but I dont want to show it at that moment because I really believed that everything takes two hands to clap.

Next moment, I asked. Why? Not to the parties involved. I need a 3rd party to tell me, why?

Someone explained, "some people are scatterminded or just plain lazy. You have to accept it as character flaw."

I asked, "So does that mean that I have to accept the nasty remarks made all because of their own character flaw?"

And I asked another, "Is it so hard to refer back?"

And she said, "No" but she suggested that she will give the answer straightaway.

After stepping into this world, I really felt the change in me, in people. I am resisting that change in myself. But at times, some people forced me to use the harsh methods.

Each of us have two sides, the Good and the Evil. I believed that the Evil surfaced before years ago and it was put to hibernation after awhile. After so many years, I could feel that IT is waking up and I had been trying to coax it back to sleep. But lately, IT is forcing its way out. Or rather, recently the Evil had been out a few times but it go back to where it was. Now, I felt as though it is trying to be the main power to take over ME.

I dont know how long I can strive on. I need help. I need them. But they felt so distant.

"You have people around you. But no one can lend you a helping hand when you really need one," this just kept ringing in my mind.

I'm tired. Really mentally tired. I need to recharge. I want to get away. I want to go MIA and no one can find me.

I want to leave.

This is just venting ground for me. I need to get all of these out. This is the only way out for me especially now I irked the world. Meeting up with friends to talk about all these, doesnt work. Because I know for sure that when we meet, everyone will go on and talk about topics that I am totally uninterested or I am jus simply not in the mood of doing the catching-up session.

I just need a venting ground.

In such situation, no matter how heartwarming session it was, will turn into the worst for me because everything are just noises to me and I just cant wait to get out of it.