16/11 影子的爱情故事 - 林峰

影子的爱情故事 - 林峰

As a child, you cant wait to grow up.
As a grown up, you wish to turn back the time.

You will see and experience more problems as you grow up. People and things get complicated, even the way you mingle with other people. As you grow up, you get to understand some things in the world, the ugliness of everything. Then you have to learn to shut one eye to all the things you see, shut your mouth to criticism, close your ears to those words you hear.

对一个小孩子来说，喜欢就是喜欢，不喜欢就是不喜欢。他也不会特别的去讨讨厌的人的欢喜。

But now, even if you dont like it, you have to act as if you like it. Even if you hate your boss, you still have to smile nicely at him/her. Even when your boss is scolding you for sth you didnt do, you still have to force yourself to smile.

That's the ugliness. Fake people.

Ok, the above paragraphs are those meant for gains. But the following are meant for other people's good.

Like being in front of friends or people you know. No matter how upset you are, you still have to force yourself to smile and said 'I'm fine', to prevent others worrying for you. When your friends criticise you (even if it was meant to be a joke) and you got hurted, but you still have to keep mum/smile, because you dont want to strain the relationship.

So fake and tiring. 做人为什么要做得那么的累？

When you expressed your unhappiness, your mood, your situations or even when you specified seriously that you dont want to see/hear anything, someone else just have to do it the way you dont want, just to agitate you further. People get defensive when they hear things bad about them. I am one of them. But at least I do ponder about it even if I didnt do any action. Sometime when you are feeling bad enough, people just love to make you feel worst.

Worst of all, human beings just love to comment even when they dont know and dont understand your real situation. What's the point? I think these people's empathy are when they just keep quiet. Unless they know and UNDERSTAND your situations and feelings. Well, as for the criteria for those people who can say they UNDERSTAND are only people who REALLY put themselves in your shoes and think, or had underwent the same situation as you before.

When you are feeling bad enough and feel the need to jot it down, and you choose to do it online, chances are you will get hurt. Because it is internet where people can speak freely. Now, for me, even blogspot is not a place for me to really jot down my feelings. So this will the last time I am baring my heart here. I am not going to do it here anymore nor to anyone else. No more. I dont need people to ke lian me, all I want is just someone sitting quietly beside me and accompany me. Or lend me the shoulder. That's all. Maybe I am still asking for more. I know I dont deserve anything.

So from now on, I am not going ask for anything. Even if I desperately need help, I will only turn to one or two. And that's it.

I always dream that in the future, friends will come knocking at your door when they sensed that you are feeling down (even when you said you are ok). They come with all your fav foods and drinks with the excuses that they are bored and need your accompany though they are here to accompany you, knowing that you are upset. Or drag you to places you like without saying anything. They tried to make you happy no matter how long it takes. When you asked, 'you guys did these just to make me happy?', they will act nonchalantly and replied, ' no... you think too much, why do we need to make you happy? We aint clowns. haha.'. Or they go and confront the person who bullied you.

Say goodbye to these. No more. It seems easy, but it is far to reach. It's a dream, unrealistic wish. Wake up, no more dreaming.

Although people always say look forward, but I think looking back are better for me.

During sec school, SJ, huiyun and I always went out together. One thing for sure was, the 3 of us will definitely get sushi on that day. Each time as we were nearing the shop, huiyun and I will run to pick up those sushi we want and said, ' quick, dont give sj. take the one with most ingredients!'. Then Sj will be there wah-lao-ing. Haha. 3 of us love the mayonnise with crabmeat sushi, so we always snatched. Sj was the one who taught us to choose the one with most ingredients and yet this was what she got. Haha.

Sj was calling us 'basket (or bastards)' when I reminisicing this part of memories with her on friday night. Lol. I laughed about it everytime I thought of it.

But it was short. Sigh.

Oh, on random mode. I always feel so 亲切 when I listen to cantonese. Dont know why. Maybe if I plan to emigrate, I might choose Hongkong instead.

Shuyi, you are fake, you are so fucking fake.