*yawn* So sleepy right now. Was looking through my 'favourite' when I came across this website. I bet char should be able to find it a little familiar. xD Yea, this website was given to me by her. Since I didnt have anything to do, hence I went to design my own room. hmm... I hope it looked a bit like that, but... not really what I wanted too. xD Nvm, I believe in the future I will have a chance to design my own room. xD

Another thing, I was looking through STOMP this afternoon when I came across this post. xD This picture was taken by a student who is on the way to school. Yea, nothing is wrong with your eye, it is a rat and a cat. xD According to the student, both of them were like playing with each other instead of fighting. xD...

"Who says that cat and rat dont get along well?" xD

Interesting sight.

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I guessed I am still worried about him afterall. Havent been home the whole night last night and I couldnt sleep well. Tossed and turned till about 5am before I finally fell asleep. Somehow this is the first time he didnt come home since the day I become 'dong shi'. Been imaginative, I had imagined a lot of possibilities of him not coming home - womanizing? working? fucking gambling? ran away? got kidnapped? got...killed?

Manz.. it was tough that night. And then I start imagining that what if he's coming home anymore? Then... I think back those days when I was much younger. Then.... yaya. I hate him.. I really HATE him. But I guessed what people said was right. Afterall, we are still related, w/o him = w/o me. Didnt know that I will still b worried about him despite of me cursing him to die early sometime =.=".

Then, when I woke up this afternoon, I'm so afraid to go out into the living room, and see his slipper still missing. Heart pounded like a jackhammer and when I saw his slipper on the shoe rack, I went *phew* literally. Luckily my mum didnt make a fuss out of it (mayb she knew about him not coming home OR she decided to keep mum), if not.. I guessed today's next year will be my 1st death anniversary.

Talking about death. Sometime I see no future ahead of me. I simply live day by day somehow, worrying which day she will go bonker again. Worst till, took a knife and kill the whole family while all of us were asleep. I wonder will I live to see myself having my own kids, earning my first 20K.

I had enough of that kinda of fear that I experienced last night. Cant sleep properly at all. I really have no idea how much longer can I withstand. Since he's back now, another worst case that might be, he went gambling and didnt have money to come home. Just like the history is repeating itself. We were lucky enough in the past because they didnt borrow from loan sharks. But if this time round, it is all the fucking gambling incident again, I doubt this time will be any luckier. Borrow from loan shark... Another possible reason to offer me incense and candle in the future. =.="

Well... If you are reading this part of the entry, dont think I am joking, nor I'm in any mood to joke about such thing. I just have no idea why did I felt so strongly that I wont live long, especially last night. Hopefully.. Hopefully I can finish my studies smoothly, get what I want, get a job, earn lotS of money till I've nothing to fear in the future.

Hopefully.


Hope? Maybe I still have it right now, but I'm not certain about that in the future. How long can I bear such hope? 1year? 5 years? 10 years? 20 years?


haha...



If I'm to leave the world.... where will I be? Who will I miss?